Is It Strange Not to Need Romantic Love?

00:02 I feel like there's

00:03 an unsolved mystery about me:

00:05 I don't really feel a need for romantic love.

00:12 This topic was actually prompted

00:16 by a Xiaohongshu video I just came across.

00:19 The video was about

00:23 an actress saying she had no need for romantic love.

00:26 The comments immediately blew up.

00:29 It even had tags saying,

00:32 "[So-and-so] says she doesn't need love."

00:34 I was honestly shocked.

00:37 Isn't that how

00:39 most young women feel these days?

00:44 Ever since I was in school,

00:49 I've noticed that many girls around me

00:52 would

00:53 get into relationships,

00:57 then break up,

00:58 and afterward,

00:59 feel especially sad.

01:01 I've never really understood that emotion.

01:04 To give you an example,

01:08 one of my middle school classmates...

01:11 When it came to love,

01:13 how should I put it?

01:16 When her ex-boyfriend broke up with her,

01:19 she would feel incredibly sad—

01:21 so devastated that she would hurt herself.

01:26 At its worst,

01:28 it was something like cutting her wrists.

01:31 When I learned about it,

01:33 I couldn't understand it at all.

01:35 I really,

01:38 truly couldn't understand

01:41 how a breakup could make someone

01:43 so upset that they'd hurt themselves.

01:46 I still remember spending

01:48 so much time and energy

01:51 trying to comfort her.

01:54 But

01:57 I think everyone knows

01:59 that people understand their feelings only after sorting them out themselves.

02:04 No matter what anyone else says,

02:07 they won't be able to take it in.

02:09 I just remember that

02:10 when we graduated from middle school,

02:13 she gave me the small knife

02:15 she'd used to hurt herself, for safekeeping.

02:18 Now, though, I don't

02:19 remember where that knife went.

02:22 And she and I

02:23 are no longer in touch.

02:24 So I don't know

02:26 what her romantic life is like now.

02:31 Anyway, I've lived for over twenty years,

02:33 and throughout my experience,

02:36 my attitude toward romantic love has been this:

02:40 I really want to get close to someone.

02:42 I really want to understand

02:43 what's going on in their life.

02:48 But I don't feel so strongly

02:50 that I have to be with them.

02:56 Sometimes, I don't even understand

02:58 this desire to be close to them.

03:02 Does it come from romantic love,

03:05 or from something else?

03:09 What I do know is

03:11 that I feel affection for them.

03:12 I do like them.

03:14 Beyond that, though,

03:16 I'm not sure.

03:17 For example, when I talk to a friend

03:19 about these feelings,

03:22 they might find it

03:25 shocking that I feel no sexual desire for the person.

03:29 They'd be very surprised.

03:30 And I was surprised too.

03:33 Why does liking someone

03:36 or feeling drawn to them

03:38 necessarily create

03:42 sexual desire?

03:47 Of course, my curiosity about this question

03:51 also led me to explore other things.

03:54 Later, for example,

03:57 I gradually learned

04:00 about romantic orientation.

04:06 Anyway, on this journey of self-discovery,

04:10 I've explored a lot.

04:13 And I've tested many things for myself.

04:20 I forget who said it:

04:22 understanding yourself

04:24 never ends.

04:26 So

04:28 even though I've done a lot of exploring,

04:31 I still don't

04:33 fully understand myself.

04:36 And I've noticed that

04:38 the more I try to understand myself,

04:41 the more

04:47 there is for me to uncover.

04:49 The process is really exciting.

04:53 But sometimes I get so absorbed

04:57 in exploring the unknown

04:59 that I forget the path beneath my feet

05:02 still has to be walked.

05:05 So here's what I'm doing now:

05:11 whenever I learn something new about myself,

05:14 I immediately put it into action.

05:17 By "taking action,"

05:18 I mean applying what I've learned

05:23 to my life and work.

05:27 Or I can take what I've learned

05:29 and create some record of it.

05:32 Trying to make audio recordings now,

05:35 for example, may be one approach—

05:37 or one way of doing that.