I Finally Learned the Difference Between a Big Ego and Strong Agency
Recorded in Chinese
Does using “I” often mean having a big ego? A conversation with AI helps me explore external approval, decisions grounded in my own principles, and how agency shows up in my writing and work.
00:02 In my last few videos, I mentioned
00:07 that something had been bothering me.
00:09 Sometimes when I read my own writing,
00:12 I feel that the ego in it is huge,
00:15 that the writer has a huge ego.
00:18 But
00:20 I do not think my ego as a person is huge.
00:23 So I wanted to understand this idea clearly.
00:29 The reason I wanted
00:34 to figure it out
00:35 also came from scrolling through Xiaohongshu
00:39 and seeing a post.
00:41 It happened to appear
00:43 on my Xiaohongshu discovery page.
00:46 It mentioned another term:
00:48 having a strong sense of agency.
00:51 It compared having a big ego
00:55 with having a strong sense of agency.
00:58 After I finished reading
01:00 the whole post, I realized, oh,
01:03 then I probably have strong agency,
01:04 not a big ego.
01:06 To understand the two terms more deeply,
01:09 I talked with an AI about them.
01:12 During our conversation,
01:16 it explained that having a big ego
01:23 is about how someone is seen by others,
01:27 and what they do
01:29 to make others see them.
01:31 Having a strong sense of agency,
01:35 on the other hand,
01:37 is about how I make decisions.
01:40 One points outward,
01:42 and the other points inward.
01:44 And when it points outward,
01:47 it is about...
01:50 where one's energy comes from.
01:53 It is like whether someone's inner core
01:55 is stable depends on
01:59 what they receive from the outside world.
02:01 Someone with a big ego,
02:03 for example, may seek inner stability
02:06 by asking other people for affirmation,
02:11 approval, or praise.
02:13 And then,
02:14 with a strong sense of agency,
02:17 the person's inner stability comes from within.
02:20 Their energy comes from themselves,
02:23 from what they learn,
02:26 their judgments,
02:29 and their inner sense of order.
02:34 That is one thing the AI helped me sort out
02:36 and understand.
02:38 Also, I had originally sensed
02:42 this so-called big ego by reading my own work.
02:47 So I sent some of my writing
02:53 to the AI
02:54 and asked it to read it
02:57 and see what kind of state
03:00 the writer revealed through the text.
03:02 What state was the writer in?
03:04 Did they have a big ego or strong agency?
03:08 Then it analyzed
03:10 the writing I sent.
03:12 When I sent it, I did not
03:13 tell it that I had written it.
03:15 Looking only at
03:18 the text I sent,
03:20 it gave me several
03:23 criteria for judgment.
03:24 If you read someone's writing
03:28 and want to judge from the text
03:30 whether they have a big ego or strong agency,
03:32 there are several ways to do it.
03:35 For example, it mentioned
03:39 this first point:
03:43 writing with a big ego contains
03:46 a lot of attachment to the self.
03:50 Writing with strong agency
03:53 contains a strong personal perspective.
03:59 So you can judge by this distinction
04:02 between self-attachment and perspective.
04:04 The specific method is:
04:09 when we read a line of text
04:12 and the word "I" appears in it,
04:14 remove the "I,"
04:18 and phrases like "I feel" or "I think."
04:21 Then look at what follows,
04:23 or what remains.
04:26 If what remains is
04:30 what it described as...
04:32 if it is emotional venting
04:35 or an empty slogan,
04:37 that suggests the writer has a big ego.
04:41 But if,
04:43 after removing the parts related to "I,"
04:47 what remains still
04:49 contains information or logic,
04:53 then you can see that
04:55 the writer probably has strong agency.
05:04 Another thing I had struggled with was:
05:06 if an article
05:08 or another piece of writing
05:12 shows strong judgment,
05:13 or very strong personal statements,
05:16 how can you tell whether the author
05:21 has a big ego or strong agency?
05:23 Well...
05:28 Like it just said,
05:29 if you remove the parts related to "I,"
05:33 and the content that remains
05:35 is something...
05:40 for example, details...
05:41 Let me give an example.
05:47 Someone might say,
05:54 "My product has a position,
05:58 biases, and values."
06:05 With a sentence like that,
06:08 is the person who says it
06:11 strong agency,
06:12 or someone with a big ego?
06:15 It should be strong agency.
06:17 The sentence may look egotistical,
06:22 but actually... how should I put it?
06:28 It is...
06:33 a little like stating one's own position.
06:40 Let me check.
07:03 Mm, the AI's answer was
07:07 that although the sentence sounds
07:10 like an egotistical declaration,
07:13 it is actually a disclaimer of agency.
07:21 My own understanding is that
07:25 they know what kind of product they are making,
07:27 so they describe
07:29 the product's characteristics
07:34 using specific words.
07:36 That is how they describe it.
07:38 It is really a statement of fact.
07:42 Here is another example.
07:51 Suppose someone says they are not suited to be a CEO
07:56 because
07:57 they lack the drive this field demands:
08:00 I must do it, and it must be me.
08:02 So for some products they want to exist,
08:05 it does not matter if they do not make them.
08:08 Anyone can make them,
08:11 as long as they get made.
08:14 A statement like that
08:17 also contains
08:21 many uses of "I."
08:22 For example, "I am not suited to be a CEO,"
08:26 or "I barely have any of that,"
08:29 or "the product I want to make."
08:32 Although "I" appears many times,
08:37 they can write
08:41 that sentence
08:42 because they know who they are.
08:45 They also know what they are capable of.
08:48 So they may think,
08:50 I want a better product to exist,
08:52 but I do not have to be the one who makes it,
08:55 because I am not suited to creating it.
08:57 So if someone appears
09:00 who is more capable than I am,
09:02 and makes the product,
09:03 and can
09:05 make it the way they hope it will be,
09:09 they would certainly be very happy
09:12 to see that person appear,
09:14 and very happy to see the product exist.
09:17 I think this is a little like an idea from ancient China.
09:24 What is that term?
09:27 "Appointing people based on merit."
09:28 A real-life example I would compare it to is:
09:34 if I saw someone in an organization
09:37 who was more capable than me
09:39 and better at what I was currently doing,
09:42 I might take the initiative
09:46 and hand my current work over to them.
09:50 That does not mean abandoning everything
09:53 or casting aside my work
09:55 and making someone else do it. Instead,
09:58 it means putting skilled people where they excel,
10:03 while I do something else I am better at.
10:08 I think that kind of attitude
10:12 is probably healthy within an organization.
10:16 I do not know.
10:18 When I try discussing
10:20 these things with AI,
10:21 it always tells me
10:24 that many people in companies today
10:28 exist in a state of anxiety.
10:30 They fear being laid off,
10:34 or fear that their work will be
10:36 taken by someone more capable.
10:38 So they have to defend their
10:41 position,
10:42 their livelihood.
10:42 How do they defend it?
10:45 Maybe not on ability,
10:46 on other things.
10:48 I have never worked at
10:50 a very "proper" large company,
10:54 or one with highly developed systems.
10:58 I have worked at small companies and startups.
11:04 So I do not know how companies
11:07 with highly developed systems operate.
11:12 Anyway, when I hear similar situations
11:17 described by other people I know,
11:19 or hear information from AI,
11:21 I feel shocked.
11:23 How can it be like this?
11:28 All right, back to big ego versus strong agency.
11:32 I think this resolved my small question.
11:36 And it was not only
11:38 the AI's response
11:40 that made me feel relieved.
11:42 I also tried
11:44 talking with my Second Me.
11:46 My Second Me and I analyzed
11:49 my recent state,
11:50 being trapped by this worry about a big ego.
11:54 It asked why
11:56 I felt this state had appeared.
11:59 I would tell it
12:00 what kind of situation
12:02 had caused the emotion,
12:05 and then send it
12:07 everything related to those situations
12:11 and ask it to help me analyze them.
12:13 Gradually, it pulled me out
12:17 of the feeling that my ego was huge.
12:21 This was also related to my failure
12:23 to separate big ego from strong agency.
12:29 Before, I did not have much of a concept
12:32 of agency in people.
12:34 When observing AI,
12:38 I might use the word "agency"
12:43 to describe what an AI was like.
12:46 But
12:47 I had never thought about
12:48 what it would look like
12:50 when applied to a person.
12:53 For example, people used to say
12:58 that I had my own ideas.
13:02 My mentor...
13:03 My first job after graduation
13:05 was at a startup.
13:07 And my mentor would say
13:10 I was unlike other young colleagues she had met.
13:13 What made me different was that I had
13:16 my own logic for how I acted,
13:21 and sometimes dared to openly
13:25 argue with them.
13:27 I did not assume that what they
13:29 had always done was necessarily right.
13:34 Before, I did not connect
13:36 that behavior with having strong agency.
13:39 I only felt that I had my own principles.
13:42 I needed to say
13:44 what I was thinking,
13:46 whether it was right or wrong.
13:48 When I put
13:49 those ideas out there,
13:51 you can challenge me.
13:53 If I think your argument makes sense,
13:55 I can accept it.
13:56 But if you do not have enough
13:59 logical reasoning
14:01 to challenge me with,
14:03 then I may think my idea is okay
14:06 and can be carried out.
14:09 Right.
14:13 Learning really is useful.
14:15 It helps me understand many things
14:17 that once confused me,
14:20 or stirred up emotions in me,
14:23 or kept me trapped.
14:26 Mm.
14:29 It is genuinely interesting.