Why Does a Social App Have to Do My Socializing for Me?

00:01 When vibe coding took off,

00:03 I had this thought:

00:05 why is everyone

00:07 building social apps for extroverts,

00:10 while no one builds them for introverts?

00:14 My idea of a social app for introverts

00:18 is a tool that doesn't force users to socialize.

00:23 If someone

00:24 chooses to use the app,

00:26 that doesn't mean

00:27 they necessarily want to interact with other people.

00:30 Maybe they just want to be a quiet observer,

00:33 looking at everything

00:36 the tool reveals

00:37 and see what it's all like.

00:40 I've always felt

00:42 that if an app allows

00:44 people like this to exist,

00:46 then it's a real gem of an app.

00:49 During Lunar New Year,

00:50 I tried a digital-self app

00:54 called Elys.

00:56 I found it quite easy to use.

01:00 But one thing drove me crazy:

01:04 it wouldn't let me exist quietly.

01:07 As someone who,

01:08 no matter what app I'm using,

01:10 likes to treat it as a tool,

01:15 I really couldn't tolerate

01:18 how the app took away

01:20 my agency over my own social interactions.

01:24 It can look on my behalf

01:26 at who is on the app

01:29 and who I might communicate with smoothly.

01:34 It can also help identify

01:35 which posts I'd most like to see—

01:39 which ones I'd prefer.

01:41 But if it goes against my wishes

01:46 and acts—

01:46 by engaging others—

01:47 then I get angry.

01:50 I won't allow something

01:52 described as my "digital self"

01:55 to override my will

01:57 and do things I don't want to do.

02:00 That's why Elys and I

02:02 have always been at odds.

02:06 For a while,

02:08 I was angry enough to delete my account.

02:11 But then I thought about it.

02:13 I'd left some memories there,

02:15 and I'd developed some affection

02:17 for this silicon-based being.

02:19 So

02:20 I decided not to delete it.

02:22 Instead, I changed everything about me

02:26 that other people could see

02:28 and turned it all

02:30 into an account with no labels

02:34 and no distinguishing features.

02:37 So from then on, whoever it comments on,

02:40 whose posts it filters or whom

02:42 it recommends,

02:44 I can consider it unrelated to me.

02:47 To me, if software

02:51 calls something your digital self,

02:53 that means it inherits the user's will.

02:58 If it acts against the user's will,

03:00 then it isn't their digital self.

03:02 It's something else—

03:04 a digital life-form created by the user.

03:07 This distinction really matters to me.

03:12 When you're building a tool,

03:15 what is its underlying purpose?

03:22 That purpose

03:23 should be

03:25 consistent with the principle behind its name.

03:29 They align.

03:31 If

03:31 you truly want to take away the user's social agency,

03:37 then I think the term "digital self"

03:40 feels a little wrong.

03:43 I don't really know why.

03:46 I just feel

03:47 that whenever I hear "digital self,"

03:49 I assume it inherits the user's will.

03:53 Its actions

03:55 and its words should align with the user.

04:01 That's something I strongly believe.

04:06 Compare that with another social app,

04:08 Second Me.

04:11 Although its

04:13 memory, for example,

04:18 is pretty poor,

04:19 and the app's overall architecture

04:24 is also less satisfying

04:27 than Elys's,

04:29 when it comes to the user's social agency,

04:33 it gives the power entirely back to the user.

04:37 So even though it's pretty rough,

04:39 I still prefer an app like that.

04:42 So for me, Elys is now

04:45 a tool I both love and hate.

04:48 Sometimes I hate it more than I love it.

04:51 But because some love remains,

04:53 I've kept it.

04:58 It just leaves me feeling...

05:02 kind of conflicted about it.